Finding strength through our blessings

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Finding strength through our blessings

I feel as if I need to apologize to my readers.
I haven’t written a personal or heart-felt post for you all in a long time now.
When I started Five Senses Friday about 2 months ago, I felt as if I was bringing a new level of intimacy to my blog.
But in spite of that I haven’t taken the time to sit down and write my thoughts and feelings like I have in the past!
 I feel as if my blog as been filled with reviews, giveaways and sponsorships lately…which can be fun and nice for all of us, but that is not what I want my blog to be about!
 When I started to blog for the world a short couple years ago, I promised myself that I would not sugar coat or paint this fake reality of my life for you all to see. I really enjoy being able to write down my feelings, as if I’m writing a book about my life, chapter by chapter, for you all to read. I will be the first to admit that I have some serious grammar issues. But I don’t write to show off my eloquent words or how I can sentence splice…
 I write to inspire, I write to remind myself of all the good I have in my life, I write to share experiences of sacrifice and trials, and I write because I can.
There are not many things I keep out of this blog. In fact I struggle sometimes finding my place in the blogging world. Although I know that most readers prefer to have their favorite bloggers categorized or even have a feel for what to expect in their next post but I choose to take the ‘easy’ way out and categorize myself as a ‘lifestyle’ blogger…
because I don’t want to leave anything out. People may think I’m crazy that I share my personal thoughts, feelings and experiences to the world but I feel we were all put on this earth to inspire and learn from each other and if I can do that, even to one person, than you better believe I’m going to! Some might look at my life and think that I’ve had it easy or that I have it all and I will admit I am beyond blessed, but with those blessing have also come many difficult trials of life and love that have truly shaped me into the woman I have become today. And like I previously mentioned, there isn’t much to leave for question, in fact, I share pretty much my whole life. There are some tender trials I have encountered in my life that I will share in due time. Those trials have affected a lot of people that I truly love and I am still trying to find a way to share what I have learned without hurting or offending those I love, but when I find the strength and words behind my lifelong thoughts, I will share. Until then I will share my love of life and my love of trials to you all. This life is given to us to learn, this life is filled with bridges that crumble beneath our feet and mountains that fall on top of us, ready to crush our whole being, and without those moments we cannot grow. We cannot become the person we want to become, even if we aren’t quite sure who that person is.
We must strive daily to find that person, because some people don’t ever get the chance to know that they can become something great. If you have the ability to read this, you are more blessed than 90% of the world. So I will take that blessing and share my stories, even if it’s difficult.
If you’re still reading and if you will allow me, I would like to share a story with you now.
 A story that happened only a couple months ago.
{I will refer to the people in this story using broad terms, for their own privacy}
It was like any other day as I was preparing to go to work.
I was rushing to get ready while the kids were busy ripping apart my closet. Little did they know, instead of taking a nap in preparation for my night shift I had just spent nap time putting that closet back together for the 4th time this week. 
Baylor was grabbing each shoe furiously trying to pull each off the shoe rack in record time as if they were running away, while Reagan emerged from my closet once more holding another shirt and saying “Dis petty mommy?” as she tried to display it with the other 6 previously pulled shirts from my door knob…it fell to the floor and was left there alone, as her pigtails bounced with ease back to the closet for yet another round of, ‘helping’ mom get ready for work. I smiled tiredly at the both of them as I rummaged through to find a comb and picked through my hair. I didn’t have the energy nor the time to care. They both disappeared into the closet as I turned on my hair dryer, when the loud hum and the calming hot hair of the drying was sharply interrupted by a high pitched shrill coming from the closet.
I violently turned off the dryer, threw it on the counter and stomped over to the closet where I found Baylor with his quivering lip in a puddle of his own tears holding onto a shoe for dear life. I didn’t see Reagan at first but on closer inspection saw her little toes curled into her foot right below my collection of high school hoodies. I took a deep breathe and reached into sea of clothes to return with Reagan’s arm in my hand. She knew she was in trouble but still had a bubbly grin on her face.
“Did you hit Baylor?” I asked with the most patient voice I could muster
“Yes mommy.”
“Reagan, honey, why?”
“Cause why mommy!”
It was hopeless, I already knew what happened.
Reagan was playing with a belt, that now lay beside her.
When Baylor saw her playing with it he rushed over and tried to take it. He has a death grip like no other!!! So the only logical solution for Reagan would be to hit Baylor harshly over the head, resulting in Baylor releasing his grasp.
They were both guilty
“Reagan, tell your brother you’re sorry.”
“Sorry bayyyyeeerr”
“Baylor, don’t take your sisters toys!”
He had no idea what was going on, he just sheepishly looked up at me with water still in his eyes and answered with a “Ohhhhhh ddddduuuuaaaaaa!”
I stood up and glanced at the clock, it was already 6:05…
I’m going to be late and I have to be the Charge Nurse tonight!!! I don’t have time to play referee or 50 card pick up, for the love. Where is Jeff?…he is so late, he knew I had to work tonight.
I returned to the mirror and took a couple seconds to come to terms with the fact that I would be going to work looking that I did. With bags under my eyes from the previous night of ‘1 year old molars coming in hell’, I grabbed a hair tie and pulled my half wet/half dry hair into a tight high bun. I brushed on some mineral powder (even though I knew it would be rubbed off by 2 am) and called it good. I started throwing on some scrub bottoms when Jeff decided to grace us with his presence.
It’s 6:15 and I’m so late!
While I furiously reached for some socks, I tried to keep my cool.
“Where have you been baby? I am so late and the kids have been destroying the house while I attempted to get ready and now I have to go to work like this!”
“Well hello to you too! Work was great thanks for asking.” He said, discouraged by my words.
He got to his knees to give the kids hugs.
I felt bad but didn’t have time to make up…
“I am sorry…I have to go!” I quietly whispered to him.
I started to secretly walk out the door…trying to make the fact that mommy had to go to work as discrete as I could.
 I didn’t get far when i could hear little pitter battering feet behind me…
“Mommy you goda work?”
“Yes baby, but I will be home soon.”
“I want to goda work too mommy!”
“I know sweetheart, but I will be home soon okay?”
Her little eyes welded up with tears as I gave her a little kiss and handed her off to Jeff…she would be fine in about 5 minutes…daddy was going to go find ladybugs with her in the backyard!
I jumped into my car and rushed off to work, I called Jeff 2 times on the way there, apologizing and reminding him to remember to brush Reagan’s teeth. Our conversation was cut short when he had to hang up because Baylor was getting into the toilet again!
I didn’t try to call back…I knew he needed to focus.
I drove in silence the rest of the way crossing my fingers that tonight would be slow.
I didn’t have enough energy for a busy night.
I got to work with minutes to spare and as I walked back to the locker rooms to change I glanced at the patient board and whispered to myself,
And what do we have in store for us tonight.
The board was littered with green, red and black names all color coding their LDR (labor, delivery, recovery) status.
When a word from the comment section came caught my eye and my heart sank in despair.
All at once the other words on the board seemed to blur and fade into the distance as I read the words again in my mind and shook my head in sorrow…In cursive lettering the words
filled my view.
Suddenly the bags under my eyes didn’t seem so bad.
Suddenly I didn’t care if my shoes were neatly placed in my closet.
I rushed back into the locker room and quickly changed into my work scrubs and placed my name badge over my neck.
I knew she was going to be my patient.
I was working with 2 other nurses that both were pregnant and it’s an unsaid rule to not let pregnant nurses take the demise patients.
I said a little prayer in my heart as I picked up a report sheet that The Lord would help me know what to say to this couple.
As I received report from the precious nurse I knew she needed to go home. I was to be this patients angel now. With a tear stained scrub top and puffy red eyes, she had explained to me that the patient came in laboring, was 39 weeks pregnant, and didn’t know there was no heartbeat until she was placed on the monitor. The patient had delivered a couple hours before shift change and was in a room with her husband and the baby at the opposite side of the hospital. I embraced the other nurse while she told me and tried to give her some of my energy that I knew she needed.
 “Take care of them Sadie.” She said with tear rolling down her cheeks.
“I promise I will.”
 She explained to me that they would let me know when they were ready for the funeral home to come get the baby and went to say goodbye one more time to them. I gave her time alone with the patient while I flipped through the patient’s history and chart.
I don’t think people realize the weight us nurses place on our shoulders. In a field like labor and delivery, even if the patient doesn’t realize it, we become one with that patient. For those 12 hours, that patient is our life! And when situations that this occur…that patient stays with us for eternity. I think most people become nurses because they think they can help fix things. In labor and delivery especially we usually have great outcomes and know what to do in difficult situations. It is such a specified field that labor nurses are trained, without even trying, to connect with their patient for this special time.
 But when situations like a stillborn arise, we are left helpless. All we have is our energy, love and holistic hands to try and ease the pain of the patients we are serving.
The only thing I cared about at that moment was serving this mother and father.
I walked towards the door of her room and stood there. Faint sobs could be heard inside as I stared at the lotus flower on the paper that was placed on the door. Placed for all the nurses to silently make them aware of the sensitive situation at hand.
I stood there for a good 2 minutes trying to dig deep into my brain and retrieve some kind of phrase or word or sentiment to say when I opened that door…but I found nothing. I was speechless and afraid. I have been a labor nurse for almost 5 years now but have personally only been a nurse to one other term stillborn. They just aren’t very common. We see demises more around 15 to 20 weeks. But I knew that this little child was the same weight as my little Baylor was when he was born so for me this stung more personally.
I said another prayer,
in fact I think I prayed throughout my whole shift that night,
took a deep breathe and softly knocked on the door.
I entered the dark room where only the last bit of sun of the day was lighting it. I saw the beautiful parents embracing each other and walked towards them. Beside the couch a little bassinet was sitting still and had a beautiful blue blanket softly wrapped around their gorgeous lifeless little boy. I reached into the crib and caressed the little boys face.
“He’s beautiful.” I whispered as the tears fell off my face.
I walked towards her…sat down and embraced her. I had never met this women and had no idea if she even liked to be touched but without thinking…that’s what I did. We cried together as I held her and repeated over and over I am so sorry, I am so sorry.
I knew nothing I said would help.
I placed her face in my hands and asked if she had eaten…I already knew the answer…there was 4 trays of food scattered around the room completely untouched.
Of course she hadn’t…I offered to make some warm soup but she declined quietly. I explained to her how I had prepared a bath for her and told her to take as much time as she needed.
I quietly stepped out of the room and rushed to the storage room to send a text.
“Can you send me a picture of the kids please. I know they are sleeping but I need it. Work is tough tonight. I love you baby forever and always.”
I checked on them a little later and her husband let me know they were ready.
I called the funeral home and a tall nice man in a dark suit showed up at the desk in what seemed like record time.
I dreaded what came next.
I shook his hand and handed him the proper paperwork,
I introduced myself and walked silently to the room with him.
This wasn’t a time for small talk.
I took a deep sigh and could hear one coming from his mouth as well, in absolute unison with mine.
We then entered the room where I experienced something I hope I never have to experience again and I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy!
The funeral director sat at the bedside discussing a few things while I sat behind the couple on the bed.
As I rubbed her back and watched her rock her precious boy one last time, a peace fell over the room.
I knew he was there with us.
I knew his spirit was trying to comfort.
I KNEW at that very moment that she would be able to hold her little boy again!
If, for whatever reason, I had had a doubt that families are forever,
Nothing can convince me otherwise.
After we changed his blankets, he was ready.
“I will never be ready”
“I know…” That’s all I could say
We sat around the bed crying, I just wanted to take her pain away. I couldn’t even imagine the pain and suffering she was feeling. After carrying that precious soul next to her heart for 9 months she would not be able to take him home.
After sitting there a couple moments longer,
I softly said,
“Why don’t you have dad hold him one more time.”
I knew if it was me, there would be no way I could hand my child off to the funeral director, so I thought maybe giving her husband one last chance to hold him would be a bit better.
I still don’t know if I said or did the right thing…I guess I never will but I literally prayed about every word that came out of my mouth.
I waited till the husband looked at me and very slightly nodded his head.
Without saying anything, I knew he was ready.
I stood up and he placed his beautiful boy in my arms.
I waited till I closed the door behind me and placed a blanket over his face then I handed him to the funeral director and walked with him to the front doors not bothering to hide my emotions anymore.
 “No matter how many demises you see…everyone is just as hard as the first!”
 I mustered up a smile and a thank you as I left him.
“What you girls do is amazing.”
I turned around and gave him a little wave goodbye. 
“Thank you for what you do.” I said in return

And that was that…

I was taken back by his words.
 We don’t do anything..that’s what’s so hard about it!
Moments like these leave us feeling helpless and utterly hopeless.

I sat in the bathroom and cried for what seemed like forever…thinking about my children and praying to Heavenly Father to forgive me for my short temper that I have with my 2 perfectly healthy children.
I then began to thank Him for 
the tantrums
the screams in the car and at the store
the cries in the middle of the night
the endless diaper changes
the endless laundry
 the sticky faces and hands
the dirty floors
the snotty noses
the sibling fights
 the shoes that are strewed around the house
the toilet paper trails to the spilled cups and craisins smashed into the carpet
the cuddles at bedtime
the endless innocent love
the trust to care for His children for a time
and for EVERY SINGLE minute of every single day.
I pulled myself together and got back to work.
 I retrieved an extra hat, shirt and diaper and gently placed it in his ‘remembrance’ box that the previous nurse had put together.
In it you would find baby bands, foot and hand prints, his blanket he was previously wrapped in and a few other things, neatly folded and tied together in a bow.
I returned to the room to find her dressed in her normal clothes, requesting to go home.
We sat and talked a bit about things, then it was time to say goodbye.
She didn’t want a wheelchair but I insisted and wrapped a warm blanket around her.
We took the long way out to avoid the pictures of little babies and I waited as her husband prepared the car.
I hugged him first and told him I was here if they needed to talk.
I then helped her out of the wheelchair, embraced her once more and told her I loved her.
With an empty car seat in the back of their van, they drove off into the dark.
I stepped out into the street and looked at the stars as I took a couple deep breaths.
“Please help her heal.” I prayed to Heavenly Father.
It’s a miraculous thing when your job is to literally be present for new life to enter the world but it’s a life changing experience to see that spirit leave that precious little soul and nothing I ever do will give me a stronger testimony of eternal families.
I put the wheelchair back in it’s appropriate place and before I knew it, I was the nurse for another mom to be.
That mom would have no idea what happened that night and I would go on the next 5 hours pretending like that little face wasn’t on my mind.
In hindsight, I really had very little to do with that precious patients care.
I only had the pleasure to take care of her for 6 small hours of her whole journey.
She probably doesn’t even remember me.
But I will forever remember her and her inspiring family.

I held my kids a bit tighter that morning when I got home.
I stayed on my knees a bit longer.
and I appreciate every. single. thing. in my life a bit more.
 I can’t tell you why things like that happen to parents or why bad things happen to good people at all…
but I can tell you, that whether we like it or not…
bad things will continue to happen.
So I must use those experience to help me grow…
as a mother
as a wife
and as a person.

Thank you for allowing me to share this very personal story with you.
I pray we can all learn and grow from difficult experiences in our lives so we can use our strength to help others.
We all must remember how blessed we truly are.

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Showing 56 comments
  • Barb

    Thank you for sharing. That was beautifully written and you are amazing for helping those that have broken hearts. What a hard thing to be strong for. Thank you for your service.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Thank you for reading! I am blessed to be able to serve mothers in times like these!

  • Reply

    This post broke my heart. That has to be extremely hard. After reading this I couldn’t help but just watch my 3 year old son (Mason) sleep. Also the connection you feel with your patients I feel patients feel the same with their L and D nurses. Mine anyways seriously made my experience a great one! Keep up the great work and God Bless šŸ™‚

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Thank you so much and thank you for reading! Having a child is quite the experience! I am glad your nurses were great!

  • the h fam.

    Ohhhhhhh what a beautiful story. Cried through the whole thing. Thanks for sharing, love u!

  • amanda

    note to self: don’t read this post right before going home on a 12hr night shift! or you will cry. oh wait, to late!!! so tender, thanks for sharing.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Love you Amanda! Thanks for taking the time to comment! It would have been better that night if you had been with me! XOXO

  • Katy

    Thank you for posting this Sadie. I’m in nursing school right now and want want to go intL L&D. This inspires me to metro trucking through school and I hope one day I can be of service to a family like you were.

  • Katy

    Thank you for posting this Sadie. I’m in nursing school right now and want want to go intL L&D. This inspires me to metro trucking through school and I hope one day I can be of service to a family like you were.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      keep up the hard work Katy. Nursing school is no joke and can be really tough but you will get through it and become a great nurse in the long run!! Thanks for reading! XOXO

  • Bunch of Something

    I guarantee you she will remember you! This story is heartbreaking and thank you for sharing and being so compassionate. Thank you for making me step back and be appreciative for what I have and to be grateful for the melt downs, sibling fights, couch cushions on the floor and endless timeouts. Xoxo

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Thank you for reading! We all have moments when we just want to give up because parenting is NO JOKE! but its so worth it in the end!! You are wonderful! XOXO

  • Kortne

    Thank you for your honesty. My face was streaming with tears by the end. I Thank my heavenly father every day for eternal families but stories like this just solidify that blessing. I can never imagine dealing with that kind of grief. It’s one of my deepest fears, to lose a child. I’m sure that family will remember the tender nurse that helped them in that difficult moment.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Isn’t it great to have the knowledge of eternal families!! I wish everyone knew that so the string of losing someone could be a bit less! It’s one of my deepest fears as well! Thank you for reading. XOXO

  • Kaeloni

    You are amazing! Thanks for being so real! GREAT post. I cried through it all. I think my kids need some morning snuggles this morning…longer then usual.What a blessing eternal families are!

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      A blessing indeed!! Thank you for reading! Have a fabulous day with your precious kids! XOXO

  • Julie Zarvos

    I love and remember all my nurses through both my baby’s births. They were the ones that got me through labor! As I lay here on the couch, I was enjoying the peaceful time to myself before my kids wake up. They are 3 and almost 6. Before I read your post I was hoping this wasn’t the morning that they woke up an hour too early, rudely interrupting my well deserved “catch up on reality shows” time.:) but it’s stories like this that ALWAYS have a way to snap me out of that way of thinking and bring me back to a more grateful and mindful attitude. Thanks. šŸ™‚

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      We all get that way…since my daughter woke me up at 630 this morning! Parenting is rough and will always be but its so worth it! Keep up the good work!! THank you for reading! XOXO

  • ChrisandLindsay

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, they were beautifully said. Having lost my baby boy at 35 weeks unexpectedly I know all too well what that couple was going through and how they must have felt. They will always remember you, I definitely remember all my nurses and will always be grateful to them for their comforting words and actions.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      You are an amazing and strong person Linds! I cannot imagine what it would have been like for you! You are an example of strength to us all! XOXO

  • Missy

    Sadie – I am sure you are just what they needed to end that ordeal in the hospital. I am sure you were prompted to have the dad be the one to hand over their precious son.
    When I had Daphne I had the best nurse! The sad thing, I wanted to write her a thank you and tell her how much I appreciated all she did for me. (I am a true wreck after having my babies) I never did do that thank you, and regret it to this day, now I don’t even remember her name. Shame on me.
    I have had lots of reminders lately of how precious my children are to me, thanks for one more.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Missy, you are such a great friend and mother!! I am sure that nurse felt your appreciation through the smiles and thank yous!! Thanks for your example! XOXO

  • Melody

    Thank you for sharing. I have a 3 week old baby, and at the exact same time I had him, the patient next door to me went through the experience your patient did. People and situations are placed in our lives to help us learn and grow and I know I am forever changed by the little guy who was next door to us. So glad that your patient and her husband could have you help them, you were surely just who they needed.

  • swestbroek

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I lost my sweet Marie at 19 weeks. My nurse was my light through my last 12 hours of labor, and even stayed late to be with me when I had her. I really needed this post today my 2 boys are testing my patience lately, and I quickly forget how lucky I am to have them.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      You are a strong woman to have gone through that!! Thank you for reading and for sharing your experience. I am sure other woman will appreciate your story if this was to ever happen to them. You are truly an amazing woman to be strong through that! XOXO

  • Melissa Patchett

    This was so beautifully written Sadie. I have not had children yet but I imagine if this were to happen to me, I would have found comfort with how you handled the situation. Prayers to the family, and to yours!

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Thanks Melissa, that means the world! And thank you for reading. XOXO

  • Kristina

    Hi, I am Kim’s Daughter, you may not remember me, you were so young!
    This touches me so much and I just had to let you know. When I lost the twins I had wonderful nurses too and they were a major support to me during my loss. I do not remember my nurses name but what I do remember is her face, her hands, her touch. I squeezed her hand so hard during the delivery, I am sure that I must have hurt her!But she never let on. She was there for me and made me feel comforted even in that moment. I know that you think that you may not have made an impact on her life, but I can assure you that you did. Moments like these stay with you forever and I think that God wanted you there for a reason! Much love and blessings to you and yours.
    -Kristina Heininge (Baker)

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      I remember when my dad told me about what happened!!! Of course I remember you!! I see updated pictures of you from my dad and yours!! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!! You must be such a strong person to have gone through that!! You are a strength and example to all of us!!! XOXO

  • Jared and Brielle Rucks

    Sadie, I just have to tell you thank you!!, you were my nurse when I delivered my little dude Christmas Eve 2010 in rexburg, and you were wonderful! I was an emotional wreck and you sat on my bed holding my hand telling me how wonderful of a mother I was going to be. You are a great nurse and an even better mama!

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      You are such a sweetie! I remember taking care of you and I loved every minute! Labor is terrifying sometimes!! I hope you are doing well! Thank you for the kind words!

  • Steph

    Hey Sweetie,
    I was thinking about you a couple weeks ago. I was thinking of all the good times we had working together and then again that one shift we had together. I was inspired to write to you and let you know I was thinking of you, but dismissed it. Now I wish I hadn’t. I don’t know what would’ve come if I would’ve let you know how much I love you and how much I appreciate who you are. Maybe this post would’ve been easier to write or harder, I don’t know. Anyway. I know how strong you are. You’re an excellent mother, friend and caregiver. Never doubt your amazing abilities and your contagious spirit and smile. Love you girl and your cute family.
    Your friend,

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      I seriously miss you so much!!! You were one of the nurses that I strive to be like when I was a new grad! You were always the patients advocate and so tender and nice to them! You truly are a tender hearted person!! Don’t feel bad for not writing!! I remember when you wrote me about a year ago and I will always remember the tender things that were said that day to me! I still often think back to that night and honestly dont think I could have done it without you! You truly are an amazing person! Congrats on another beautiful baby boy! Your family is gorgeous and they are lucky to have you as a mother! Thank you for your example! Love you girl!!!

  • Reply

    Sadie. I hurt that you had to go through this. I hurt for that sweet couple. I can’t even imagine what that hurt would feel like. I am so grateful for eternal families. What a sweet reunion that will be!

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      I know!! I can’t imagine what I would do if I didn’t have the knowledge of eternal families! Love you girl!

  • *Alyssa*

    Thank you Sadie for sharing such a heartwarming story with us. I feel I am privileged to know you, I know that we have never been close, but I feel that my life is enriched by knowing who you are and that I can call you a friend.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Alyssa, I hope you know what an amazing person you are! I have known you since I think 7th grade and I have never once seen you be rude to anyone or speak negative about a single souL!!! You have a contagious smile and a positive perspective on life! Thank you for being an example to me and I hope all is well!! I am glad we are still friends!:)

  • Amanda

    Thank you so much for sharing, Sadie. As most of us can tell, this where you shine as a writer. This is definitely what you are meant to be (nurse and blogger)!

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Amanda, thank you for your kind words!!! That really means a lot!! I will have to continue to do what I love i guess!:)

  • Samong & Aubrey Som

    This story touched me deeply. My brother and his wife had a stillborn baby boy at 39 weeks 2 months ago. The couple you are referring to is probably them, it sounds like it is. Thank you for you sincere love and care for them. To mourn with those who mourn is a part of our covenants, but so few have mastered it. Thank you so much for taking care of them. To treat others like they were your own family is truly a special gift

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Aubrey, thank you so much for your comment!!! Yes, that couple was them…I wanted to make sure to keep it very private for them but I needed to share their story because it touched me so deeply! Thank you for letting me know that it was ok for me to write this…I was a bit worried about stepping on toes. I am truly blessed that I was able to help them! Take care. xoxo

  • Alexandra

    Thank you so much for sharing this. My youngest brother was a stillbirth, and the nurses who were there at that time were so wonderful. The kindness you show is remembered. Thank you so much for what you do.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Thank you for taking the time to comment and write this! You are an amazing example of strength for going through that! Thank you for sharing your story!

  • WyoGirl

    Thank you for sharing. I had a stillborn son on October 13, 2011 at 39 weeks and I can guarantee you that this couple will remember you. My L&D nurses were wonderful…they shared our pain, sorrow and yet acknowledged that I was a mother with a son. It sounds like you were everything this couple needed that terrible night. It is a heartbreaking experience and I am sitting here in tears for this couple’s loss. THANK YOU for what you do. One of the best parts of having my daughter on November 1, 2012 at the same hospital I delivered my son was re-connecting with my same L&D nurses…they were their to share our heartbreak and they were there to share our joy in welcoming our rainbow a year later. I hope this couple, and you, also get to share this experience.

    • Sadie Jane Sabin

      Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I am strengthened by your experience! You are an amazing person and I am truly blessed to have read your comment! THank you for reading and commenting on my blog! GOd bless you are your precious family, here and in heaven! XOXO

  • Brandi

    I loved this post Sadie. It makes me think of the little things to be grateful for that we so easily can dismiss in our lives. Life is so short and precious. It can be hard to comprehend but easy at the same time with the gospel. Thanks for your lovely words

  • Hillary

    Thank you so much for this post! I’m a “demise” mom and believe me when I tell you that I FULLY remember the 2 nurses that took care of us during the worst days of our lives. One was motherly and sweet which was exactly what we needed during that time and the next was calm, quiet and stoic later on when we needed to borrow from her strength. What you nurses do is nothing short of amazing. Thanks again.


  • Lisa

    I have an angel niece who should be growing up next to my own baby. This could have been her exact story. I think of those nurses and the compassion they showed my own family–not just anyone could or would do the simple things you do. Thank you for this perspective. Thank you for your testimony. Thank you for what you do.

  • The Allen Family

    My baby passed away in January after contracting late onset Group B strep/meningitis. In our month long battle in the hospital we had many nurses. I can promise you that she didn’t forget you. That what you did that day was a blessing for her. I have those sweet nurses engrained in my mind and think of them often. We were so thankful for all they did.

  • Katie

    Thank you, Sadie. I’m a mom of 8, but only 3 living now (between miscarriages, stillbirth, prematurity/infant death and ectopic). I guarantee this couple remembers you – will remember you forever. You were an important part of their child’s life and passing. I remember all our nurses. I may not remember all their names, but I remember every single one’s hands and voice. We have had a couple insensitive ones, and I do remember those, too, but most importantly I remember the compassion. The nurses who did just as you did – who loved us, who loved our babies, who allowed us our grief, who took us the long way out of the hospital so we wouldn’t see the new babies and mothers…all of it. We will always, always remember. We are so grateful and blessed. I wish I could say thank you to all our nurses. Thank you.

  • Our Family

    Thank you for your kind words. I am a mother of a 37 week stillborn. The most spiritual hard, difficult moment of my life. Thank you for describing from a nurses perspective. I had many complications and had to stay at the hospital for many hours after my baby was gone. The nurses who helped during my 30 hour stay were incredible and brought much peace and solace to me through a difficult time. They were one of the forces that helped my husband and I know what to do and possible choices. Such a blessing.Thanks for doing hard things to benefit others.

  • Gwendolyn

    Thank you for sharing. I am an ER RN and fin ourselves in similar heartbreaking outcomes. Your words really hit home and made more sense out of what we do I’m some strange way. Gwendolyn

  • Camille and Paul

    Thank you for sharing such a tender, heart breaking story. You have such a big heart and I am sure you will be forever remembered.

    Also such a nice reminder to appreciate the blessings and trials of having small children. They really are a miracle. Each and every one.

  • M. Jorgensen

    as I played catch up on blogs tonight and read this post, I had to comment. With tears in my eyes and staining my face, and an aching heart…She does remember you, and always will. Believe me. I do not know this particular patient you wrote about, but I DO know the experience you shared. I too have a similar story, although from the opposite point of view. I remember each nurse the night that we had to say our goodbyes. I remember the feeling and the warmth. I remember the pain, yet the joy of that day. My story differs from this ladies in the fact that I was able to meet my angel for a few days before he was called home, however the pain I think is still the same. I believe that nurses are placed in our paths for a reason. Our NICE nurse, Wendy, was the person we needed at the time…and to this day we are in contact with her. Don’t ever think that you didn’t touch this woman’s life, because in small and simple ways you did. Thanks for sharing this story Sadie. I too will pray a little harder tonight, and hold my dear baby a little more tomorrow, because each life is precious! Thanks Sadie! XOXO

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